Making a baby should be fun. So why has it become such hard work?
It started off fun. Do you remember the day you both decided you were ready for kids? You’d been ready for a while, but it took him a bit longer. Finally, you were both on the same page and you started trying. It was like being a giddy teenager again.
This could be it!
Making love was completely different.
Sex immediately seemed different when you first started trying for a baby. Now you were having sex with a purpose, making love to make a baby was completely different. It had a different meaning. It felt magical.
Then you got your period and with it a whole month’s worth of disappointment.
As the months went by, period after period, you started to worry that it might not happen.
That’s when the fun sex turned into a military operation.
He needed to take this seriously if you were going to get pregnant. It was no good just having sex occasionally when you both felt like it. You marked your fertility window on the calendar. He needed to know when to have sex otherwise you could end up wasting a month. And you didn’t have any more time to waste.
You made sure that you had plenty of sex in your fertile window, even if you were tired or didn’t fancy it. All of a sudden sex had turned into a chore. It was on the calendar like a visit to the in-laws. Looming.
The pressure of the sex schedule.
He started to feel like you only wanted him for his sperm. He had turned into a sperm bank and the passion had gone.
If you’ve found yourself in this place, then know that it’s not your fault. This is what happens to almost everyone I speak to. This is a result of your commitment to having a baby and wanting it so badly that you try too hard. You start doing everything you can to get pregnant. Even sex becomes hard work.
How to make fun hedonistic sex.
Talk to him, be open, share and connect about everything…..apart from your cycle. Keep your fertile window, the changes to your cervical fluid and the details of your period to yourself. He does not need to know this information.
Imagine when you first got together. The reason sex was so incredible was that there was mystery, anticipation, excitement and adventure. Telling him when he needs to perform takes the excitement away.
Think back to the things you used to do. What was sex like in those first six months of meeting each other.
Try changing this one thing and see how it shifts everything.
Rachel Bolton Lic. Ac., Lic. Tui Na.
I help women get pregnant and have healthy babies, even when they've been told they have a 0% chance. Whenever you're ready...here are 3 ways I can help you.
1. Join the free Fertility Heroes Facebook group. In our private Facebook group you'll get fertility tips, research and inspiration. Only the women in the group will know you've joined and see your posts.
2. Apply for a free Fertility Analysis Session to work out what is missing from your fertility puzzle and what to do about it.
3. Join the Plan Yourself Pregnant Membership. Get customised support to work out why you're not pregnant and get your personal plan to optimise your fertility, balance your hormones, improve your womb lining and increase your egg quality.