What if you could stop feeling so jealous of pregnant women? How would things be different for you and in your relationships?
It’s natural to feel jealous of pregnant women when you want a baby and it’s not happening. I remember feeling like I was the only one without a baby. At work I was surrounded by pregnant women. It seemed like all my friends and family were getting pregnant too. I was happy for them and confused about why I felt so jealous. Normally, I was a positive happy person and the strong feelings of envy were not me.
And that’s just it. I am not my emotions and you are not yours either.
There is a way to acknowledge jealousy and make space for it, without allowing it to take over and run the show. You can feel happy and whole whilst you’re on your path to pregnancy
I Wanted To Be Happy For My Friends
When I felt triggered by another pregnancy announcement, it made me feel awful. I wanted to be happy for my friends and I was, but I also felt sad and jealous that it wasn’t me making the announcement. Smiling and being polite on the surface, when underneath a part of me was dying.
Not having a baby was painful because I wanted to be a mama more than anything. I felt like I was missing something. Like I wasn’t a real woman somehow. It was a feeling of lack, of not having or being enough.
For me, feeling jealous was born out of what I didn’t have. Seeing pregnant women reminded me of that.
Jealousy is complicated because it is made up of layers of other emotions. Feelings of lack, regret, sadness and anger.
I didn’t give myself time and space to process the mix of other emotions and so it came out as jealousy.
The problem was that feeling jealous didn’t help me to improve my fertility. It didn’t make me feel happier or more connected to those around me. There was nothing that I got from being jealous. It didn’t serve me in any way.
If you can resonate with any of this, then take some time to honour what is coming up for you. Working on your mindset is just as important as doing all the practical and physical steps to optimise your fertility.
6 Ways To Stop Feeling So Jealous Of Pregnant Women
1. Acknowledge And Question The Jealousy
The first thing to do is recognise that you’re feeling jealous and acknowledge it. Awareness is the key. Make some space for it, breathe and allow yourself to feel it and let it go.
The next thing is to question if there are any other emotions. Maybe the jealousy is actually sadness about not being pregnant yet. Or perhaps it’s anger that has been transformed into jealousy. As women, we’re often told that it’s not ok to be angry and so we turn anger into something else.
Is your jealousy dressed up as something else that needs acknowledging?
2. Change The Meaning
We all make up stories about ourselves, other people and the world. This shapes the way we operate and the judgments we make. Start looking at the stories you’re creating.
One of my clients told me a story about how she jumped to a conclusion about a friend who announced her pregnancy. The friend announced her pregnancy adding that she was surprised she got pregnant instantly. And you can imagine how this must have made my client feel who had been trying for years.
My client later found out that her friend had also been trying for years, but hadn’t shared her fertility struggles. She announced it was a surprise because she got pregnant the instant she stopped doing IVF.
What compassionate stories can you create?
3. Reframe Your Thoughts
Change your thoughts and you’ll change the way you feel. When you catch yourself having a negative thought like: “It’s not fair, she’s pregnant – I’ll never be a mother.”
Say instead: “If she can do it, then so can I!” Take inspiration from seeing another pregnant woman. Use it to fuel you to keep going.
How can you turn jealous energy into motivation and inspiration to help you on your path?
4. Praise What You Want
Are you moving towards or away from the thing you want? When you praise the things you want you stay open to receiving. You’ll increase the natural flow and sense of wellbeing in your body.
One of my clients went from blocking pregnant friends on Facebook and avoiding baby showers, to intentionally seeking out her friends with babies. We worked on processing her feelings, reframing her thoughts and transforming her jealousy. When she felt ready she started hanging out with friends with babies and she actually increased her fertility by increasing her oxytocin, smelling the top of their heads and practised being a mama.
What could you do to praise what you want?
5. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
Comparing yourself to others is an unwinnable game. There will always be people who are taller than you, have more money and nicer shoes. There will always be some else who posts about their pregnancy and their perfect life.
Instead of focussing on others, try comparing yourself to you. What changes have you made to improve your fertility? How is your cycle different this month? And what are the small wins you can celebrate?
6. Practice The Antitote To Jealousy
Instead of thinking about what you don’t have and being jealous of someone else. Focus on what you do have. Be grateful for all the things you have. List them out and say them often to yourself. No matter what, I am grateful for x, y and z.
Gratitude is the antidote to jealousy. What can you feel grateful for today?
All my best,
Rachel Bolton BSc (Hons), Lic. Ac., Lic. Tui Na.
I empower women to see themselves as Fertility Heroes and help them to optimise their fertility, get pregnant and have healthy babies.