Men and women have different approaches to fertility and this can cause friction and stress in a relationship. It can stop you from moving forward with optimising your fertility. Or it can mean that you go for IVF too early.
I just got a message from a woman recognising the differences and asking how to talk to her partner about fertility solutions. Read my reply below and you’ll find out what to do if your partner appears too relaxed about TTC, if he’s worried about money, or if he wants to go straight to IVF.
Men And Women Have A Different Approach To Fertility
The challenge and the beauty are that we are all different. You’re hard-wired differently from your partner and so it’s not surprising that you have a different approach to fertility. It’s likely you have a different approach to solving most challenges.
The women that I work with are research-focussed. They want to learn more about their fertility challenges and take action to improve their fertility. They feel a burning desire, an ache in their heart and a physical yearning to get pregnant and have a baby. Women feel the pain of not having a child and get triggered by those around them that get pregnant and have babies because it highlights what they don’t have.
On the other hand, men are much more relaxed. They don’t tend to research fertility issues. Men are generally much more relaxed because they don’t feel the biological clock like women do and say things like: “Relax, it’ll happen when it’s meant to.”
They see their partners getting more stressed from not being pregnant and they balance that out by being more relaxed about it.
When the relaxing doesn’t work, they trust that IVF is the answer and don’t understand how important it is to optimise fertility because they haven’t done the research and have blind faith in IVF.
The problem is that they don’t know what they don’t know. They haven’t read any books about fertility and they haven’t had any training from fertility experts. Maybe they don’t want to make changes because they don’t understand how it could make a difference.
This causes a lot of tension and friction within a relationship. It increases the stress that is already there from trying to conceive.
Strategies To Help Your Partner Understand Fertility Solutions
If you’re fed up with waiting and you want to get pregnant now, if your partner’s strategy of “just relax and it’ll happen” is not working, or if you want a different strategy, then here are some suggestions:
1. If He Appears Too Relaxed About TTC
His relaxed attitude or apathy about TTC might be a reaction to your stress. He might be appearing super relaxed about it because he is counterbalancing your stress. Work on your mindset, resourcefulness and happiness. When you’re in a more powerful place, then have a conversation about how important it is that you’re taking action and you have a plan to get pregnant. That doing the same thing, gets the same results. And that if you were both taking the right action and optimising your fertility, then you’d feel less stressed because you’d be able to see that you’re moving in the right direction of having a baby. A loving evolved relationship is about supporting each other to reach your dreams.
In the Fertility Club, we help couples to hold their dream of having a baby with the right amount of energy – not too tightly (so that they don’t get stressed and crush their dream) and not too lightly (so that they take enough action).
2. If He’s Worried About Money
We often talk about the cost of getting support from a fertility practitioner, expert or doctor. It can be thousands. But we rarely talk about the costs of not getting pregnant and what that does to your mental health, relationships and career. Struggling to get pregnant for more than a year creates the same amount of stress and anxiety for a woman as a terminal disease. Too many couples are splitting up because of the stress of TTC. And many women are staying in a job they don’t like because they want to keep the maternity benefits in case they get pregnant. Or they don’t put themselves forward for a promotion because they don’t want the extra stress. Remind him that the cost of having a baby is priceless because it changes the course of your life forever. And you get only get one chance at life.
In the Fertility Club, we help couples take away the guesswork and get pregnant faster so that they can get on with starting a family and living their lives. We help them to save time, money and energy by giving them the exact steps they need to optimise their fertility.
3. If He Wants To Go Straight To IVF
It’s you who has to go through IVF and so you should get the ultimate say in when you do this and what other things you both try before moving ahead with IVF. Share IVF success rate statistics with him. Let him know that IVF is not a sure thing and that if you’re going to do it, then you want both of you to optimise your fertility first.
In the Fertility Club, we help couples to optimise their fertility, to get pregnant naturally or in preparation for IVF. Our clients are doing the impossible and getting pregnant, even when they’ve been told by doctors that they can’t.
Help your partner to get on the same page as you. Talk to him and share from your head and your heart about what is truly important. Get creative and resourceful together, make a plan and then take action.
In the Fertility Club, we help couples navigate through their differences, get aligned and reach their dream of becoming parents. Get in touch if you want help our help too.
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