How To Talk To Your Partner About Fertility Solutions
Are you on the same page as your partner when it comes to fertility? Do you get frustrated sometimes because it feels like things are not equal? Men and women have different approaches to fertility and this can cause friction and stress in a relationship. It can stop you from moving forward with optimising your fertility. Or it can mean that you go for IVF too early, or when you don’t need IVF.
I’m constantly hearing from women saying that they don’t know how to talk to their partners about fertility solutions. Read on to find out what to do if your partner appears too relaxed about TTC, if he’s worried about money, or if he wants to go straight to IVF.
Men And Women Have A Different Approach To Fertility
The challenge and the beauty are that we are all different. You’re hard-wired differently from your partner and so it’s not surprising that you have a different approach to fertility. It’s likely you have a different approach to solving most challenges.
The women that I work with are research-focussed. They want to learn more about their fertility challenges and take action to improve their fertility. They feel a burning desire, an ache in their heart and a physical yearning to get pregnant and have a baby. Women feel the pain of not having a child and get triggered by those around them that get pregnant and have babies because it reminds them of what they don’t have yet.
On the other hand, men are much more relaxed. They don’t tend to research fertility issues. Men are generally much more relaxed because they don't feel the biological clock like women do and say things like: “Relax, it’ll happen when it’s meant to.”
They see their partners getting more stressed from not being pregnant and they balance that out by being more relaxed about it.
When the relaxing doesn't work, they trust that IVF is the answer. Men don’t understand how important it is to optimise fertility because they haven’t done the research and have blind faith in IVF.
The problem is that they don’t know what they don’t know. They haven’t read any books about fertility and they haven't had any training from fertility experts. Maybe they don’t want to make changes because they don’t understand how it could make a difference.
This causes a lot of tension and friction within a relationship. It increases the stress that is already there from trying to conceive.
Strategies To Help Your Partner Understand Fertility Solutions
If you’re fed up with waiting and you want to get pregnant now, if your partner’s strategy of “just relax and it’ll happen” is not working, or if you want a different strategy, then here are some suggestions:
1. If He Appears Too Relaxed About TTC
What if his relaxed attitude about trying to conceive is a reaction to your stress? He might be appearing super relaxed about it because he is counterbalancing your stress. Work on your mindset, resourcefulness and happiness. Then help him to be more pro active.
When you’re feeling calm and centered, have a conversation about how important it is that you’re taking action together. Remind him that doing the same thing, gets the same results. Share with him that you’d feel less stressed if he took more action to optimise his fertility and if you had a coherent plan to get pregnant.
Ask him to support you to reach your dream of having a baby. And show up for your parnter to support him with his goals.
We help couples to hold their dream of having a baby with the right amount of energy - not too tightly (so that they don’t get stressed and crush their dream) and not too lightly (so that they take enough action).
2. If He’s Worried About Money
If he doesn’t want to invest money in a fertility solution, then talk to him about the costs of not getting pregnant and what that does to your mental health, relationships and career. Struggling to get pregnant for more than a year creates the same amount of stress and anxiety for a woman as a terminal disease. Too many couples are splitting up because of the stress of TTC. And many women are staying in a job they don’t like because they want to keep the maternity benefits in case they get pregnant.
The truth is that money replenishes, but time doesn’t. Money comes to us every single month, but time is always disappearing and it’s gone forever. Remind him that having a baby is priceless because it changes the course of your life forever. And you get only get one chance at life.
We help couples take away the guesswork and get pregnant faster so that they can get on with starting a family and living their lives. We help them to save time, money and energy by giving them the exact steps they need to optimise their fertility.
3. If He Wants To Go Straight To IVF
Does your partner want to go for IVF? IVF might be the final answer, but before you try IVF, it’s vital that you’ve done everything else first. Let him know that there is no point doing IVF if you haven’t gotton to the root cause of your fertility challenges and optimised your fertility. Unless your tubes are blocked, the same reason you can’t get pregnant naturally will still be present when you go for IVF.
Share IVF success rate statistics with him. Let him know that IVF is not a sure thing and that if you’re going to do it, then you want both of you to optimise your fertility first.
It’s you who has to go through IVF and so you should get the ultimate say about when you do it and what other things you try before moving ahead with IVF.
We help couples to optimise their fertility, to get pregnant naturally or in preparation for IVF. Our clients are doing the impossible and getting pregnant, even when they’ve been told by doctors that they can’t.
Help your partner to get on the same page as you.
Talk to him and share from your head and your heart about what is truly important. Get creative and resourceful together, make a plan and then take action.
We help couples navigate through their differences, get aligned and reach their dream of becoming parents. Get in touch if you want help our help too.