A way to stay sane whilst you’re trying to get pregnant is to invest in desire and detach from the outcome.
When you’re trying naturally, then invest in the desire by being motivated to take steps to improve your fertility, diet, exercise, relationship or sex life.
And then as you approach day 26, speak to yourself in a friendly encouraging voice and tell yourself, ‘I’ve done all that I could this month. Whatever happens in a couple of days, I know that I’ve done a great job this month. I’ve done all that I can.’
Speak to yourself like you would speak to your best friend. Use the same encouraging tone and words to lift yourself up and to be kind.
Find a way to celebrate all that you’ve done and let go of the outcome.
Tell yourself: ‘If I’m pregnant this month, then that is amazing. And if I’m not pregnant, then there will be another cycle, another time, another egg and I’ll create a healthier baby with even more time to prepare.’
If you’re doing IVF, then expect all of your emotions and thoughts to be 100x more intense.
Practice the same friendly way of speaking to yourself and acknowledge all the preparation that you did. All the planning, time off work, money spent, diet changes and all the other million of actions you took to prepare for IVF.
Just before transfer, sit yourself down and tell yourself: ‘I’ve done all that I can. I don’t know if it will be successful, but I do know that I gave it my best shot and there was nothing more I could have done.’
Whatever happens in two weeks you’ll know that you tried your hardest and that if it doesn’t work, then there will be another time to try again, with IVF or naturally. There will be another egg, another sperm and another embryo.
The pain is worse when everything is verging on the success of one cycle and it doesn’t work. Or if you have doubts that you could have done something different.
If you think ‘this is the month that I’ll be pregnant’ and it turns out not to be, then the higher the expectation, the further you have to fall if it turns out not to be the one.
If you put all your hope in ‘next month’ it will drive you crazy.
Instead, invest in desire, which means to motivate yourself to take action. When you know that you’ve done everything you can, then it’s a softer gentler ride and you won’t have the doubt or worry.
Training your mind to let go of the outcome is a powerful exercise that will serve you well and keep your emotions stable. Be your best friend and gently but firmly find a way to let go of the outcome by knowing that there is another time.
If you want to find out if you’re doing everything you can, then let’s chat.
All my best,
Rachel Bolton BSc (Hons), Lic. Ac., Lic. Tui Na.
I empower women to see themselves as Fertility Heroes and help them to optimise their fertility, get pregnant and have healthy babies.
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