I got a great question from one of my readers. She said ‘It seems that women do so much and men do not realise they have equal contributions to the process. How do I speak with my husband about these things without adding to the existing stress of trying to conceive?’.
This awesome reader has a very good point.
The reason I write to women is that you are the one that is doing the research and taking the action. I start the conversation with you. And further down the line, if we were to work together, we could include your partner too.
Right now, I want to write to him because he often gets left out and doesn’t realise the action he can take. If you feel aligned with this, then send this to your man => => =>
I want to acknowledge you today. You have been watching your partner struggling to get pregnant month after month. It’s hard to stand by and watch her in so much pain. Normally you fix stuff. If there’s a problem, then you’re very practical and you know what to do to make it right.
This time, it’s not so easy.
When you first started trying for a baby it was fun and exciting. Then slowly things started to change. The ovulation kits came out, the fertility window was marked in the calendar and you were told when you had to have sex. You might have felt like you had to perform at certain times, even when you were tired or didn’t fancy it.
Each month when she gets her period she falls apart. You try to look on the bright side, brush it off and say that she’ll get pregnant soon. The problem is that your words can’t take away the pain she feels each time she gets her period again and has to start over.
She feels the urgency to get pregnant in a different way from you. She is programmed to physically yearn for a child. Her biological clock got switched on, she feels time slipping away and it makes her feel stressed.
You’re different. Your body and hormones have a different program for you. You feel the stress and sadness of not having a baby yet, but in a different way from her. You have to contain it because you’re trying to be strong and positive for both of you. You’re the rock. Maybe you’re feeling your masculinity is being challenged. It can be hard to hold all of this together, all of the time.
The stress. The sex. The communication. None of this is your fault.
And none of it is her fault either.
It’s what happens when you’re struggling to get pregnant. You’re not alone.
If you wish you could do something to help her. To fix it. You can.
Here are some practical tips for you that will make a big difference. Not only will they help you to improve the quality of your sperm, but they will build a bridge between you both. You have the power to change the quality of your sperm by the actions that you take.
It takes 3 months for your sperm to be produced and mature. Sperm can get damaged by a process called oxidative stress it results in DNA fragmentation.
DNA fragmentation is when the chromosomes don’t line up. There could be mutations, missing copies of chromosomes or physical breaks in the DNA. DNA fragmentation doesn’t show up on a normal semen analysis and could be causing infertility or miscarriage.
If you change your lifestyle then you can:
- Prevent oxidative stress by consuming antioxidants.
- Ensure your sperm develop properly by getting all the right nutrients, minerals and vitamins.
- Improve sperm quality by avoiding or limiting toxins.
These are practical things that you can do to make a difference to your sperm:
- Take a male fertility supplement with multivitamins, minerals, antioxidants and Coenzyme Q10.
- Eat organic fruit and vegetables.
- Eat nuts and seeds every day, especially walnuts and pumpkin seeds.
- Avoid smoking, fast food and processed food.
- Limit coffee, alcohol, sugar, plastic, pesticides and chemicals.
- Don’t keep your cell phone in your trouser pocket.
- Avoid hot baths, saunas and putting your laptop on your lap.
- Reduce stress, relax and don’t overwork.
- Do the right amount of exercise.
Most of all keep talking to her and finding a way to enjoy each other, have fun and create pleasure in your lives.
Let me know if this helps.
Rachel Bolton Lic. Ac., Lic. Tui Na.
I help women get pregnant and have healthy babies, even when they've been told they have a 0% chance. Whenever you're ready...here are 3 ways I can help you.
1. Join the free Fertility Heroes Facebook group. In our private Facebook group you'll get fertility tips, research and inspiration. Only the women in the group will know you've joined and see your posts.
2. Apply for a free Fertility Analysis Session to work out what is missing from your fertility puzzle and what to do about it.
3. Join the Plan Yourself Pregnant Membership. Get customised support to work out why you're not pregnant and get your personal plan to optimise your fertility, balance your hormones, improve your womb lining and increase your egg quality.