Imagine planning a wedding… Now imagine doing everything yourself. Making the wedding dress, cooking all the food, pouring everyone a glass of fizz, taking photos and playing music. Imagine that! It would be a nightmare.
It takes a team to make a wedding. There are companies that make dresses and food, so you don’t have to. You need a team of people to serve guests, take photos and play live music. You can’t expect to do it all yourself and you wouldn’t want to.
The same is true for your fertility team.
When you don’t have enough people on your fertility team or don’t have the right people on your team, then it can be lonely, you can lose motivation and get stuck.
If you have a strong fertility team of friends and experts, then it can help you to feel supported and get pregnant faster. You’ll need friends on your team because community and friendship are vital when you’re doing something new or challenging. You’ll also need a team of experts who see cases like yours every day and know how to help you optimise your fertility.
Are you ready to create your dream team to help you feel empowered, motivated and confident about getting pregnant? Find out about the different circles that make up your team, the reason why everyone who is struggling to get pregnant needs a team and exactly who you should appoint as a team member.
What Is A Fertility Team?
A fertility team is made up of several circles.
- Inner circle: You and your partner.
- Emotional support circle: Family, friends, colleagues, fertility communities (online and in-person).
- Professional emotional support circle: coach, practitioner, councillor or therapist.
- Strategy support circle: Family, friends, colleagues, fertility communities (online and in-person).
- Professional strategy support circle: Doctor, clinic, coach or practitioner.
Why Grow Your Fertility Team?
We are social creatures and we need connection with each other in order to thrive. Biologists and neuroscientists show how our bodies and brains work better when we’re in a community. Having a baby is one of the biggest transformations in life and it’s vital to have a team around you to help you every step of the way.
“Together we are stronger, together we are unbroken, together we can do anything.” Rahul Singh
Who Is In Your Fertility Team?
Your partner is the first person on your fertility team and your most important team member. If your partner is not on board with wanting a baby, not open to improving his fertility and not supporting you, then it is very challenging.
The truth is that most men are not as engaged, don’t do as much research and don’t make as many changes as women do when they’re trying to conceive. This is not a problem. We are all different in the way that we approach things and women tend to be more detail orientated when it comes to trying to conceive.
He might not do all the research, but as long as he makes changes, like reducing alcohol, instead of drinking for two. That he swaps out McDonald’s for home-cooked burgers with plenty of salad. And that he sees the importance of optimising his sperm, even if he’s been told there’s no problem with his swimmers, then it doesn’t matter that he can’t quote fertility stats. The important thing is that he is also up-levelling his fertility.
What needs to happen for your partner to be the number one person in your team?
Telling your family about fertility challenges is such a personal thing. You might have the type of family where you’re close and tell each other everything. If this is you, then sharing about your fertility journey will come naturally.
However, you might not want them to know because you’ll get a flood of unsolicited advice. That’s ok too.
Work out what is right for you. Maybe there are one or two family members that you can confide in. People that will support you, say the words you want to hear and be sensitive to your needs.
Is your family supportive or draining?
They say your best friends are the family that you chose. These are the ones that get you and love you no matter what. Your besties have seen you at your worst, been there at your most embarrassing moments and celebrated with you.
The problem is that if your best friends are all getting pregnant and having babies, then it can feel like you’re being left behind and you’re not part of the gang anymore. Some get it and some won’t.
Sometimes friends coming from a good place will say something triggering. They don’t realise how hurtful it is when they say things like: ‘Why don’t you just relax?’ or ‘Have you thought about using donor eggs?’ People offer unsolicited advice because it’s easier to try to fix something than it is to be present with someone else’s pain.
Work out who you enjoy spending time with, the relationships that matter and go all in. Love them and love their babies too. You can practice being a mama by being an awesome auntie to your friend’s children.
And you might need to find new friends that understand what it is like to struggle to conceive. Find a fertility bestie that will help you process when you’re feeling sad or frustrated, encourage you when you feel like giving up and hold your hand when you go through IVF.
Do you have a fertility bestie?
4. Community Group
If you don’t have any friends or family that understand fertility struggles, then intentionally finding a community that does. Connect with like-minded people can be a core part of what keeps you going. You can do this in-person or online.
The great thing about having an online community to hang out in is that it is always there to dip into for inspiration or support whenever you need it. There are hundreds of different fertility Facebook groups to join. Join a few different ones, so that you get to know the vibe in each group and then pick one or two that you choose to spend the most time in and go all in to be a part of the community.
I’d love to invite you into the Fertility Heroes Facebook group. It is a heart-centred group of amazing women that show up for each other and lift each other up. We pour free resources, support and training into the group every day. Apply here to join the group and we’d love to see you inside.
Having a doctor on your fertility team is vital to help you find out why you’re not pregnant. Your doctor will be able to do the basic blood, refer you to get scans and additional tests so that you can get a diagnosis.
Some general practitioners are very good and will issue the tests and referrals straight away. Others might say: ‘Go away and keep trying for 6 months.’ Or ‘Lose weight and then come back’ before offering tests or referrals.
If you’re worried about your age or have fertility conditions like PCOS, fibroids or endometriosis in your family, then don’t be fobbed off and lose more time. Make sure you push to get tests sooner.
If you’re not happy with the support that you’re getting from your doctor, then switch to a different one that does understand and takes your fertility issues seriously.
Do you feel supported by your current doctor?
There are so many different types of natural therapies that can help to improve your fertility and give you emotional support. The first thing to do is to work out which type of therapy will best support you. Find out if there is any evidence-based research to show it works for fertility. Also, consider what you enjoy. There is no point in having acupuncture if you hate needles and it makes you feel stressed.
Then find the right practitioners that have a proven track record in helping couples to get pregnant. Interview a few of them and see which ones you most connect to.
There is a big difference between therapies and practitioners. If something doesn’t work for you, it could be that you need to find a different practitioner or it might be that you just don’t respond to a particular therapy.
At Plan Yourself Pregnant we have a team of practitioners that support couples to optimise their fertility, reduce stress and feel happier whilst they are preparing for pregnancy. We work together to give couples coordinated support and get them faster results.
Do you feel like your practitioners are getting you the results you want?
Sometimes couples need extra help with getting pregnant and a clinic becomes part of their fertility team. When you’re choosing a fertility clinic, then do your research to find one that you’re aligned with. There are a lot of different factors to consider like location, success rates, cost, other services, add-ons and protocols.
If you’ve got your team of natural therapists and practitioners supporting you with improving your fertility and strengthen your mindset, then consider choosing a clinic that is open to this and supports you in a holistic way.
Having a good clinic that treats you like an individual, helps you make informed decisions and tailors your treatment to your specific needs will help you to get a better result.
Stay away from clinics that make you feel like just another number on a conveyor belt, that disregard the other things you are doing to improve your fertility and where doctors say throw-away insensitive comments.
What is your clinic like?
Grow Your Team
Right now think about who is in your team. Write down the categories and see if you have someone in each circle. If you don’t, then who would you like to include to grow your team?
The Plan Yourself Pregnant Team
What makes Plan Yourself Pregnant different is that we give you an instant fertility team. There is support every step of the way to:
- Assess your medical history, body systems and previous tests.
- Get advanced fertility tests that give you answers to why you’re not pregnant yet.
- Recommend the exact supplements needed to optimise fertility.
- Process emotional struggles and breakthrough limiting beliefs.
- Get fertile, grow confidence and strengthen mindset.
- Have an instant community of other couples to lean on and celebrate with.
Check out the Path To Pregnancy Membership and apply for a Fertility Analysis at the bottom of the page if you want your instant fertility team and family.
All my best,
Rachel Bolton BSc (Hons), Lic. Ac., Lic. Tui Na.
I empower women to see themselves as Fertility Heroes and help them to optimise their fertility, get pregnant and have healthy babies.
Whenever you're ready...here are 3 ways I can help you.
1. Join the private Facebook group: Fertility Heroes. Get fertility tips, community and inspiration. Only the women in the group will know you've joined and see your posts.
2. Take the Quiz: Which Fertility Hero Are You? Discover your superpowers, kryptonite and get your 3-point fertility formula.
3. Complete the Checklist: Why Am I Not Pregnant Yet? Find out what is missing from your fertility and get a new strategy.